オンライン英会話1st

I was spending a time that I was depressed.

My things and related application for visa has finally calmed down recently, then it was increasing a time that I was out of it.
So, I was starting online English lessons to get motivated.

I was finished to sign up for it 2 months ago, but I haven’t had courage to do that.
However, I heard I can learn English lesson for free until 2 times, so I made a reservation with my courage.
By the way, online English lesson site is Rarejob, because it’s cheapest in same English lesson sites.

After reservation, I was nervous until that time has come.
But, I had courage a little because I kept studying from November for 30 minutes a day, so I thought things will work out.
Then, I was frozen by a teacher opening word “hello.”

At that moment, my confidence of studying half a year was collapse.

I strained my voice “Hello…”, I was introducing myself with easy words like learning at first-year middle school student.
But, I didn’t understand the teacher said.
I felt like I talked with alien.

I tried hard to understand English, but I completely confused when I was told long sentence in English.
I was feeling things that I understood was collapsed.

I understood that I blanked out is like this, with my mind a blank.

And then, I didn’t know how to use Rarejob, because I just made reservation on impulse.
I knew on opening lesson for the first time that I need to use dedicated materials for lesson.
Then, my teacher sent a link for the material, but I was confused where I go in our textbook.

I didn’t know how to say in English “where are we reading now?” Then, I was sweating and I was confused more.

That time was a moment that I was most confused.

The lesson for 25 minutes finished like that.

I appreciate that the teacher was kind to me in panic.

When I finished the lesson, I thought it is impossible in real conversation to use the sentence learned.
The teacher asked me a question, but I could not answer in English at all.
I didn’t know how to talk the teacher about parts that I don’t understand, so I didn’t get communication.
I felt that I should remember words need on communicate.

I often heard Japanese people who goes abroad can’t speak English, I was ignoring that like somebody else’s thing.
But, when I faced like this situation, I understood I can’t find my words in English.
I thought it is good to realize that before I go abroad.

If possible, I didn’t want to realize.
Because I was shocked.

I was thinking I don’t speak well for the first time, but the result of my first online lesson was bad more I thought.
However, I’m going to keep taking lesson without any stress, because I think working are matter of getting used to it basically.

I’m　going to try my best…

I took a lesson again just after, that lesson traumatized me.